i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
