ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
