i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
