Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
