So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
