Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
