That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize