barbara walters just said penis...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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