I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
