dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
