Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
