You work out of a Hotel?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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