last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
