Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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