worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
