You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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