You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
