I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
