U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
