Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
