we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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