Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
