Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
