I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
