i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
