Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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