got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
