I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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