I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
