Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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