I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
