it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
