please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
