i don't like sucking hair
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
