I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
