do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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