Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
40s are totally the cure
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
