so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
