they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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