this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
