just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
