i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
