is your mom at the bar?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
