i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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