I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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