whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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