Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize