i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
