I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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