I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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