Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
