He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
