so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
