Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
