i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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