I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it penis luge time yet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
