Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
