I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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