Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
