Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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