It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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