I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we're so committed to being not committed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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