I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
