Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
