I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
