The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I queefed so loud it echoed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
