I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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