I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
