If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
