Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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