Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
