it's like heaven, but drunker
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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