I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
